Kelpie McSwaggins

The story behind Kelpie McSwaggins is clouded in both mystery and truth, but mostly truthful mystery. And, honestly, it's all very mysteriously truthful. Fables from the sea say that Kelpie was born from the very loin of a kraken. Kelpie, named supposedly after his favorite food, reeks of dwarven lineage. He is of almost a squared physique where one doesn't quite know where one muscle ends or where the other one begins. The most thunderous of muscles on his stature would most definitely be his ass cheeks- agreed upon by most authorities on the subject. His hair is a crimson red that most say he gained after he headbutted the sun for setting too soon.

Most agree that Kelpie's notoriety began when a crew of pirates named the Squiddy Bois found him naked and arm wrestling Basilisks on a remote island after he had been marooned there by his former pirate crew the Sea Dogs led by none other than his very own sister, Gwyn.

After that, much is to be debated on the feats of the dwarf from Tyr. For I am too drunk as I write this and the journeys so grand, that perhaps no one could really believe they're true...or could they?